Chacun son gout….


I am pretty sure that the idea of having a blog and not telling anyone you know about it, is that I can be completely open and honest.  This story is amazingly embarrassing, and made me feel pretty bad about myself, however I utilized it to move forward with my life – to make some positive changes, and to remember that no matter what my opinion of myself is the most important.

I was recently dating this guy…we will call him UPS (really he is the only one who will know who he is, so I think this is a safe code name).  UPS was not my typical kind of guy, we had met at speed dating (which by the way is a whole other story).  He wasn’t someone I felt an immediate physical attraction too, he was short (still taller than me) and thin, but I felt very comfortable around him.  He made me laugh, and he got my sense of humour.  Two things that are extremely important to me.  On our 5th date he finally kissed me. It was pretty hot.  I was actually surprised….then he went away on a business trip to NYC, it was a good opportunity to see if we missed each other, or to see if we were we just going to be friends?  Something we had both asked each other  When he got back, he had brought me a gift from the Met, some prints of Monet.  I thought hey this is super, he was thinking of me when he was away…which is all any woman wants to know that she is thought of and missed.

Then we had date 8.  I think we both knew it was time to move things forward – physically.  We went back to his place, moved things into the bedroom, and that’s when UPS broke my heart, bruised my ego and pretty much shattered his good guy image.  He said, I have to be honest with you….this doesn’t feel right.  My first instinct was oh yep he’s gay.  But no, he was just not feeling being with a plus sized bombshell….Once he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop…surprisingly he could still talk with his foot jammed in there.  If I hadn’t been so angry and shocked by his “I think you deserve a bigger guy” words, I would have really just ripped into him, something I am quite good at.  But his words ripped right through me, I don’t usually cry, but this made me cry.  I left almost immediately.  And while he has attempted to contact me to apologize I can’t imagine ever talking with him again.  He says that he still wants to be friends with me…I know I know why would you rip someone apart and want to  be friends with them? I am not sure.  If I knew that I wouldn’t be single and 37.

I was broken emotionally and my sense of self took a huge hit.  Instead of asking “why me?” and “what did I do wrong?”.  I realized just what the title of this post is, chacun son gout.  Meaning to each his own, or the way I interpret it – there is no accounting for taste.  UPS didn’t mean to pick that moment, and really he probably saved us both an awkward morning.  However, he did pick that time, and I was left to ponder all the questions we girls/women always ask ourselves after we break up….but not this time.

If you don’t watch Oprah, or know about her Sunday night show Life Class, I really will encourage you to watch it.  This whole debacle happened with UPS on a Friday night, Saturday I went to a wedding and pretended everything was great, I mean I really did have an amazing fun time.  But the whole episode was still playing in the back of my mind.  On Sunday I came home, and nothing was on…so I switched it to OWN.  Dr. Phil was on Life Class, discussing his new book Life Code.  It was a great episode, and there were 3 questions that he asked that really stuck with me.

  1. What in my life is working for me?
  2. What do I need to stop doing that is getting in the way of what I want in my life?
  3. What do I need to start doing that will empower me to help me change my energy and will help in me moving forward?

I realized that while dating in general wasn’t working, the men I was choosing were really not working.  I thought I had solved that with UPS, however, there was still a common denominator….me.  I have gained a lot of weight over the past few years, and I am not really comfortable in my own skin lately.  So how can I expect anyone to be comfortable with it?  So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I have gone out and got a personal trainer.  I continue to play baseball, and in general just stay busy.  I am hoping the motivation from the personal trainer will improve how I feel about myself.

Here is the thing, no one should love you more than you love yourself.  We should all feel that we are comfortable within our own bodies.    This isn’t always the case.  I challenge you to look around and see a man walking around in the heat not wearing a shirt, not caring that his body isn’t perfect.  And realize that he is so self-confident and hot, he doesn’t care or even think about anyone looking at him.  Just a fraction of that self confidence would benefit women so much!  And while we may date men who think we are not their idea of perfection, you can’t account for other people’s taste, and while you may not be his cup of tea, someone out there thinks we are perfect, just the way we are.

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3 thoughts on “Chacun son gout….

  1. Oh Jane I’m so so sorry. Your link wouldn’t work from my cell when you first posted it to fb, but now it does and I’m just reading it this a.m. 1st let me say your site and You yourself are
    awesome and beautiful. And I had no idea this sorta thing went on on craigslist. I am so far out of the loop and for so long, sometimes I wonder if I will even know how to be in a relationship
    anymore when the time comes. but now ‘I’M’ curious (craiglist). Anyhooo, on the flip side of us getting to be spectators into your experiences and writings is that we get to see things maybe from another perspective. Have you considered maybe UPS embellished a little about his ‘size’ he used to brag about and was about to be discovered?- and too dumb to realize that’s not what drew you to him in the first place? Some guys, and gals, are so insecure and they will hide it under faux overconfidence and overachieving. And you have to understand that a lot of these people are masters at shifting focus from themselves onto you. It wasn’t about you sweetheart. One of the benefits of me looking from the outside in, is that I get to see more clearly that it was more about him. And trust girlfriend, you do not want the stress and all the complications of being in a relationship with an insecure man. But you do have the right idea- in that having a nice aura about you will draw others to you. And so I applaud you for even putting yourself out there. Now… take my opinion with care because I haven’t been in a ‘real’ relationship for 8 years. So what I’m doing is clearly not working, depending how you look at it. 🙂 …….hope I made you laugh. Now back to my regularly scheduled Saturday programming. I wish you much success in the journey of loving ‘you’ more and more completely and without question.

  2. thanks for sharing your stories Jane…same age here, same problem… I decided to give the online dating a try last year and stopped it now back on again and took my photo out…seems to me, most men on there are just looking for sex.
    It’s good to know I’m not alone in my experiences.

    hugs

    1. Hey Eve, Thanks for your comment! I am glad to share my stories, if it means that someone else out there realizes that they are not alone in this battle we call being single! I like to find the humour in it, even though it is sometimes not very humourous. You are not alone, we are all in this together!

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