“I don’t mean to interrupt, but….”. Have you ever heard this at work, while you were in the middle of a conversation already? I have always felt like saying, but you do mean to interrupt, just saying that you don’t “mean” to, doesn’t mean that isn’t your intention, and also that it isn’t rude.
I have noticed that a lot of people (myself included) use qualifiers when they are speaking. I don’t know if this is the actual terminology for this, however, this is what I call it. You are putting a positive or negative qualifier in front of whatever you are saying – it is one of the most passive aggressive ways of talking, being raised in a very passive aggressive home I have learned to do this as a normal way of talking. It is super annoying, I try to not do it. I have over the years learned it is better to be straight forward, and just say whatever you mean, and to mean what you say. Instead of saying “I don’t mean to interrupt”, I take on the responsibility and knowledge that I know I am interrupting, so I will say, “excuse me for interrupting”.
I also notice that as a single 37 year old woman, people often will insinuate that I am gay, using these types of qualifying statements “you should come visit, and bring a boy….or a girl”. I try not to let it bother me. I know many gay and lesbian people, and consider them to be dear friends. If I were to be insulted by someone saying that I am gay, then I would be essentially saying that the way my friends live their lives is wrong or that they should be ashamed…and that is so far from the truth. I love all of my friends, gay, straight, bi – however they live their lives, all I want is for them to be happy. And know that they wish the same for me.
There are tons of qualifying statements within the online dating world. I don’t know if I had stated that I am one of those many women who use many methods of trying to find the one. But I am. I hate online dating. I find it so superficial – an online meat market if you will. I know lot’s of people have had success online, but I have not. Unless you call meeting a bunch of meat heats who are looking for a quick hook up successful, if you do think that, I would like to now inform you that it is not . I do enjoy the qualifiers of online dating. “I like a girl with meat on her bones, but you don’t look that big”. Thanks buddy, I couldn’t tell from your photo that you were a complete douchebag. What is wrong with people? In 10 or 15 years, neither of us will be drop dead gorgeous, and all we will have is the ability to be friends and hopefully still have a great sex life, and if not that I want to be able to talk to you about things. Will my weight play a factor in that? Probably not. Will you being a douchebag interfere with that? Yes, yes it will.
The update on my reading of “Get the Guy” is that the first step of talking to more men is not going so well. I am so outgoing, sometimes a bit too much, but if there are men on the streetcar, or standing in front of me, I freeze, I can’t say anything, I think what will they think if I say something? Will they wonder what is up with the crazy woman on the street car? So I often say nothing, usually it is my friends have to say something. My best friend would be the one to get me to talk to a guy, by forcing a conversation. She is a great wing woman. However, she can’t be around me 24 / 7.
It will be nice to find a guy where no qualifiers are required. Just open and honest communication.