Shutting Down the Crazy


I have been upping my online dating presence as of late.  Let’s be honest, being single in the summer can be fun, but it would be wonderful to have someone to plan a weekend get away with.  Head up to the cottage, go camping…something – anything.  And yes I do realize I can do all of these things by myself, and I do, I just don’t want to do EVERYTHING alone all the time.   And while I love that my friends are usually game to do odd things with me, I am pretty sure none of them want to go to a romantic dinner and a movie in the park.  I mean they would go,  and it would be awesome, it just wouldn’t be romantic.

So with an increased presence online, I am increasingly realizing that men are many things that women are often accused of being – desperate, lazy, and crazy.  But men do something a woman would never dream of doing, being full of romantic one liners.  We would never do this, because the man would run away faster than Rob Ford runs to his crack dealer.  These are lines that men have used previous to meeting you with many many other women, and that have helped them in the past, but have no substantial backing or follow through.  Such as future speak, this includes forward looking statements such as “we will go camping this summer”,  “we will go to this festival in a month”.  Yet, these guys have no intention of taking you anywhere – he hasn’t even met you yet, how can he even know he likes you?  Truth is he doesn’t…but men see a picture of a pretty face and think, ya I could date her, and I should tell her all these crazy things and then she will actually like me.

I actually had a guy the other day tell me that he thought we were soul mates because I said tumblr_inline_n5w170EIm51rugqcuI liked Boston Terriers and he owns one.  I was like WHOA dude, we haven’t even met yet.  If a woman said this, she would be looking at a blank text message, with a trail of dust leading from it, as the man would have run!!!  I mean that is what this guy got, because honestly who says that after 4 messages?  Thank you Tina Fey – this type of crazy talk needs to be shut down, it is a dealbreaker.

Did he honestly think that I would fall for his one-liner?  Did he actually think soul mates was something based on liking the same type of dog?  I fear I know the truth to this seemingly rhetorical question.  But mostly it is one of those things, where he is faking a romantic gesture (way too soon I might add) with future speak to get what he wants immediately – which is essentially to get into my pants.  I am totally game for a heart felt romantic gesture.  Flowers, opening a door for me, even making sure that he walks on the traffic side of the sidewalk – these are all simple things, that all men should do before they hit 25.  Grand gestures are just as amazing, but not required on an on-going basis.

I have also realized that a lot of guys just want to message, and text and then text some more.  Without actually having to put in any effort, they are relationship lazy.  I mean I have been guilty of it myself….it is much easier thinking about doing something than actually doing it.  This not only relates to dating, but also grocery shopping, laundry in general getting shit done, let’s be honest, no one is going to wash your clothes for you…unless you invest in a maid.  And who has the bank roll for that?

I would just like a guy to not say he wishes he was cuddling with me after a few messages, save that for after the 3rd date – save that for when we have actually met in person and you are certain you would like to cuddle with me.  I would like to just once say, “oh I am not very good at cuddling, it gives me terrors, and I scream for as long as anyone’s arms are around me”.  OR “OMG I love cuddling too, we must be soul mates”. Which would essentially end all communication.

 

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7 thoughts on “Shutting Down the Crazy

  1. Jane! I am also 37 and single and dating. I work a demanding international job (in fact, I live in South America, and just finished my PhD. My first thought after graduating was dreading throwing myself fully into dating. I haven’t had a real relationship since I was 28. …a few flings, a couple crazies…and I was okay with it because I had no time. Now, I have the time and I am encountering the people I used to be..busy/lazies. Top that with the fact that I live in another culture. I am considering going home to the US to focus on this relationship thing. What do you think?

    Love this blog!

    Nat

    1. Hi Nat!
      First thank you so much for your message! I am glad you are enjoying the blog! Second, congrats on finishing your PhD! What an amazing accomplishment! Third, I don’t want to give you bad advice – ha ha, but I am guessing that you probably already know what you want to do…and you just want to talk it out which is completely understandable with such a big decision to make. I think if you love where you are and what you are doing then you are doing way better then most people! I am in Canada, and like you I find I have so many things just the way I like in my life, except for that elusive relationship. So I guess we have to ask ourselves…why isn’t that enough? Keep me posted on what you decide!
      Thanks for reading! Lisa

    1. No problem! I told several friends about your blog. And thanks. You’re right. I will be moving again in January and I have decided to be clear with my boss that after 3 years (I’ll be 41), I need to return to the US. That’s the only way I see myself sustaining a relationship. I’ll let you know how the convo goes with the boss man.

      1. Any good boss or manager should understand that a job is just a job, and that while it may mean losing a great person, everyone deserves to be happy and follow their bliss! Let me know how it goes! I hope the boss is encouraging and supportive!

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