“Hi, my name is Jane, and I am an emotional fluffer.” Now you all respond “Hi Jane!”.
Back to me – “it has been less than 24 hours since I emotionally fluffed a male friend with absolutely no additional benefits – other than being a friend.”
Which generally, lets be honest, is what most of would do, I mean friends are wonderful. They listen to you, give you sound advice, do stupid shit with you, get drunk with you. They even tell you your hair looks great, when really you haven’t washed it for 5 days. And doing good things for them is good for the soul – you often just do things because that’s what friends do, even if sometimes it backfires…friends are the best. And I am very lucky to have some amazing friends. Some are right across the street, some are straight across the pond.
What I don’t like is ALWAYS being put in the friend zone with guys. And I realize that some people may think that is an over exaggeration, but it is actually fairly accurate. I have a lot of male friends. I play baseball, so there are those guys, then there are just the guys that I meet that don’t want to date, but want to be best chums, and tell me fart jokes, or ask for dating advice. Ya, that one is a real kicker. Why don’t I help you get laid by another woman whilst I sit at home pining for you…that isn’t torture at all. I mean it is partially my own fault, one of the down sides of being “the friend” or the emotional fluffer, is you don’t have the cahones to tell the guy you like that you actually like him, and you suffer through him dating others, all the while wishing he were dating you. I have actually suffered this last issue a lot. One man friend and I would text for hours about his relationships, and what he should do, what should be his next move…and all I could think was “you stupid bastard, I am right HERE.” But he didn’t know, and I couldn’t tell him, because I am essentially a giant chickenshit. He is currently in a wonderful relationship, and I am super happy for him. I really am, he is happy and she is lovely.
I believe that being raised with brothers, has made me super comfortable around guys, I don’t let fart jokes bother me, I may even chuckle at them. I am fairly crude myself, I once had a guy tell me that I cursed a lot for a woman. Fuck ya I do! It is also scientifically proven that people who swear a lot are healthier (this is an actual study – http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/hell-yes-the-7-best-reasons-swearing). See I couldn’t make it up if I tried.
I am not only an emotional fluffer – but I also suffer from being a people pleaser, and have suffered for many years from FOMO – Fear of Missing Out. I will do things with and for a guy if I am interested in him, hoping this will convince him of how fantastic I truly am. Which leads to awkward moments, he thinks I am just being a cool friend, I am hoping that the one gesture I make snaps him right out of the friend zone and he professes his love for me. Coming soon a blog post on how rom coms have totally ruined reality for anyone looking for a partner in crime.
I like doing things for people, I especially will go out of my way to do nice things for a guy I think is cute, or whom I would like to date. However, I am learning that this makes me more of a door mat than an actual potential girlfriend. No one wants to date a girl/woman who they can walk all over. There is no mystery in a girl who is willing be at your beck and call. I have a hard time playing games, such as playing hard to get. Subtlety is not my strong point, I am too blunt and to the point for that. Flirting is not something I have ever been good at. I try, but I think it comes off as creepy and forced. I look more like Stephen Colbert in this GIF than I do a normal flirty girl. No guy finds that sexy…wait I shouldn’t say that, somewhere a guy finds it sexy. I mean to be honest I love that GIF of Colbert…and ya I would totally go on a second date with a guy if that happened on our first date. One should never under estimate the ability of a man to make you smile and laugh.
Somewhere out there, one guy will love this emotional fluffer side of me. He will appreciate the things I do and the way I am, including my potty mouth, my bluntness and my penchant for discussing odd topics, even in a public place where it may not be appropriate that I yell out dirty words. Please see 500 days of Summer the scene where Summer yells PENIS in a public park, repeatedly.
I would like to post on dating – but truth is, I have not been on any dates as of late. I will refer to this as a summer lull. I have had some great conversations with guys, but none have actually moved beyond that point. I should write my next post on how to move past just texting with a guy…but I will have to figure out how to actually do that. Stay tuned!