“Let’s be friends” the three words, no woman (or man) wants to hear. I believe for anyone to truly be friends with the opposite sex, a monumental event has to take place…and trust me most friendships don’t survive them. You know when one of the friends is in full crush mode and tells the friend, and is shot down with completely soul crushing accuracy. It is not just a blow to the soul though, it is pure devastation – someone you thought you knew, who you thought knew and understood you – chose to spend almost all of their time with you and could really talk to you about anything, family drama etc. You have that monumental realization that they have no real interest in you romantically or for the long term. And while you are good to hang out with, you have no potential for them to get intimate on another level with. Always the buddy, the pal – never the girlfriend.
Because when you see him walking with her, after he has spent every day with you, you are crushed, you are devastated – you will go to that ugly crying place, that no one should ever see (bless you Kim Kardashian for televising your ugly cry, you are brave). And you realize that even though he was spending so much time with you, he was trying to figure out how he could get her in his bed and in his life. And the moment he gets her, you are yesterday’s news….no texts, no lunch, no coffees. Nadda. And you realize that once again, you were not enough for someone else. And it hurts. A LOT.
As I sit here licking my ego and my wounds, I have developed some rules because I would never wish this upon anyone and it should never happen to you as it has to me. Don’t let someone occupy your time just for you to be tossed aside. Obviously this is the result of a recent event, and I may be a little fresh and don’t get me wrong I have a some great male friends. However, they come with stories about how we became friends. And if they are not gay or related to me, there was likely some awkwardness in the development of our friendship. So 3 rules to having friends of the opposite sex which should be used as a guidance for making friends:
1. They (or you) are gay, so attraction is not even a slight possibility, you have someone to shop with and checkout the same sex with.
2. You are related, if attraction is even hinted at this raises a lot of issues, and you should see a therapist. These can be great wing people, as they want you to get laid and partnered up, because your mother bothers them just as much as you about why you can’t find a great partner and get married and produce grandchildren.
3. You have gone through some crisis usually involving one of you having feelings for each other, and you have to deal with those feelings in an adult manner, and realized that the friendship was more important than a relationship – because let’s be honest the friendship would likely last longer than a quick role in the hay.
One last addition to this list is a fourth rule: Boyfriends and or husbands of friends. These are likely going to be great friends, and you don’t have to worry about any sexual attraction, because no good friend would do that, and these guys are usually like brothers. Bonus is that your friend will likely tell them everything about your love life anyway.
However, even though I have written these rules, does not mean that I have followed them. My problem is I think that for some reason I if I like a guy he must like me back. Guess what…not the case.
I have lost my mojo….I need to find it….I will continue to work on me, and ensure that I don’t allow myself to be used. My friend gave me some fantastic advise that I would like to pass along. She said (and I paraphrase) “learn to say no, just because a guy is paying attention to you, ensure it is the right attention. Find a nice guy and make sure he treats you right” She is so right….and so I shall.